Can you believe this title? I woke up this morning to find this little gem in my Twitter DM’s, sent to me by none other than my writing mentor, and a friend I often call my “writing brother.”
Here’s the Link:
Imagine my sheer joy and wonderment as I opened up this beautiful piece of writing, and my face contorted into that of something less than pleased.
I SUCK?! How dare you, Budgie!! No, YOU, sir, SUCK! You sucky suck-face!
I’m kidding, but I bet most who read that piece will have that reaction. I’ve actually just been informed by the Suck God himself that people love his piece this morning. Kudos to everyone with a good sense of humor who totally understands his point.
Emperor SuckFest’s point, by the way, in not so brutal and macabre terms was this: Don’t get a big head, you’re not “The Fifty Shades chick” or the “Twilight Lady”, and you’re certainly not Stephen fucking King.
How can you not suck? The Guru of All Things Suckery gave a few good suggestions. I have one to add. I see this a lot…If you’re in it for the money, put down the pen and close the laptop, and don’t quit your day job. Your heart’s not in the right place if it’s greenery you seek.
Don’t get me wrong, if my book, which is seventeen pages strong right now, pings on the radar of bibliophiles everywhere, and I earn millions, I’ll quit my day job. I’m certain that a million dollars would sustain my family and me until my next great piece of artwork is put on the market for your entertainment. That’s not why I write, though. Anyway. I drifted..I suck…back to the topic. Apologies to the Suck Lord, who inspired this piece.
You have to figure out why you write in order to not suck as a writer. I write because it’s a deep-seeded must in my soul. It’s what I think about when I wake up, all day long, and before I go to bed at night. If I’m not working, I’m certain to be found writing, and sometimes I neglect my job duties and write at work. Don’t tell my boss I said that.
Another sweet topic the Master of Suckness touched on, was FAD advice. When I first birthed myself into writing infancy, four score and seven years ago — Wait…That’s not my line. That’s from the Gettysburg Address. I digress.
When I first started writing, NOT eighty-seven years ago, I sought advice from a few people who were slightly more seasoned than I was. You see, I’m a self-taught author. Everything I know has been placed into my intellect by the wonderful powers of Google. So, I sought advice. Here’s what inadvertently happened: One person said this, and another person said that. I was gut-punched. Where do I go from here? Fucking suckers! Though I appreciate advice from whoever has it to offer, it’s confusing getting it on opposite sides of the spectrum.
One person slapped me with a metaphorical revelation through the computer screen. Twas the Highest Power of Suckwardness himself. He said to me, “Find your own damn voice. Don’t listen to that dumb-ass fad advice. Shit changes all the time, anyway.”
I replied, “Thanks, Budgie Suckelow!”
Stay humble, people. Find your own style and go with it. Don’t forget where you came from. It’s obvious that the Suck Boss didn’t forget his place, and we should all follow his lead.
Figure out why you write. If you get famous one day, and you probably won’t, don’t forget those who helped you get there.
Okay, I’m done exploiting my dear friend, Suckie Chan, for my own amusement. Seriously, though… Go read his piece and meditate. He has a harsh way of saying things, but you have to admit, The Sovereign of Suck has a pretty damn good point!
I would like to thank Suck Norris for allowing me to use his piece as a form of inspiration for my blog today.